And On We Blindly Stumble! 3.4

Happy New Year's to the two readers and the squirrel.

I had a great holiday back home, although it was a little tense I had a great time with my family. Almost everyone came home for the holidays and I did some work around the house, I was actually willing to help. Anyho I came home last week and I immediately got sick, had a headache and my body was sore, so Thursday I left work early and called in sick Friday, two days later I still feel a bit down, but I need to get some hours in, bah I should be alright. I am still tired from the cold I came back down with again. I have been spending the nights wheezing and at least once I have woken up hardly breathing. I hate colds, they linger and linger and every two minutes I have to spit or blow my nose.

On a whim and from advice I bought the movie Oldboy, a korean thriller with Min-sik Choi, the guy from Shiri and Tae Guk Gi. Very freaky and very violent, its one of the few movies that makes me gasp. This jerk of a guy gets inprisoned for 15 years in a private prison by a mysterious man who also kills his wife later on, he is released and he vows to find the person/people responsible, from there he goes on this crazy journey and ends with a sick and twisted ending. It was a great movie nevertheless.

After spending two and a half weeks back home, I thought a lot about what I want to do, take into consideration my financial being and health and the thought that I should be focusing on my "needs", not my "wants." I am strongly considering moving back to Gallup, since my mom and brothers moved back to the family homestead in Window Rock, I will still have some freedom from my family, although not as much, but also the ability to get support from them more quickly than now. I want to get my own place there, find a job and go back to school, even if its just for certification, I found out I would rather work than have my nose stuck in a book. And when I finish I could use it as a springboard back to Cruces or Albuquerque. Its feels like I am retreating from life, but I think its what I need in my life, some direction.

I know I am going to miss a lot of my friends and a lot of the anemities Cruces has as opposed to Gallup, I have to make some sacrifices. Which hopefully will pay out when I do get into this. As for my brother, I dont know, we arent exactly the model pair, we get on each others nerves, a lot, I dont know if I can stomach him living with me, but then again it will be good for him, learning the good, hard, cruel facts of life outside home, also we arent really too far from home, so it will not be all that bad.

For some reason I find i suffer from culture shock whenever I head home, being out here among the chicanos, latinos, mexicans and the white people then to come home to a region made up entirely of natives, whether they be navajo, zuni or apache, its interesting. I find myself reacting differently, and they do too, just on the bus this morning I was chatting with this old latino man about the weather, it was really really windy today. and Thursday I made small talk with three people and the bus driver on the way back from work, these things would be rare if any back home, due to the dogma of Navajo society and their unwillingness to associate with strangers, I find myself saying "thank you" or sorry and in return I get a dissaproving grunt or nothing at all but a hard stare from the person. Not that all natives are like that, just making a social commentary.