Thursday, October 13, 2005
"Chasing Amy"
Holden: I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know... I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.
I swear I felt like this more than once in my sad life, its odd to see it in words.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Its a nice cold grey day outside and I am here staring at a computer screen. I love this weather, its been cooling down significantly in the past couple of days, its finally starting to look like fall (autumn). It was actually cold this morning and needed my quilt rather than close my window.
I was planning on going to the Aggies game Saturday nite against Fresno State, but the person I was going with ended up ill, so I stayed home, when the game should have started it got windy and dark and before you know it it was raining, I was glad I was not at the stadium, or didnt go as it would have been depressing. So I spent the time talking with the friend who couldnt go, which was more enjoyable anyways.
I fixed Derrick's computer Friday after plazzing out, this guy had a LOT of infestation on his box, I had to run a few AV sweeps before I was certain it could do no more harm to itself, then I set up their DSL and updated their AV software and Windows and added a little more safeguards to their box and finally let them loose after that. They were very grateful. After that we made steaks and went out with his wife and Melissa to the mall, for some reason I felt very out of place there and just wanted to leave, we did later on, drove by the 2.50 theatre to see what was showing and had cherry pies at McDonalds. We got home and I watched Ocean's 11 for the first time, it was great all, but it was a little annoying to hear Derrick's wife and Melissa swoon over George Clooney. It was an enjoyable evening and was well spent with friends.
I like the way indian people talk (the dot, not the feather).
Mmmm Banana Bread...
*nibble* *nibble*
